


why aren't you here?

by pulisics



Category: Men's Football RPF
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Character Analysis, Character Study, Conflict, Difficult Decisions, Disappointment, M/M, Past Relationship(s), Post-Break Up, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-13
Updated: 2019-03-13
Packaged: 2019-11-17 16:30:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,791
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18102227
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pulisics/pseuds/pulisics
Summary: People often say that we can't have it all in life, but we don't really understand the meaning until we reach the situation in which we absolutely have to make a choice.





	why aren't you here?

**Author's Note:**

> \- this work has been inspired by the song 11 minutes by yungblud and halsey, precisely by his explanation of it  
> \- it will have another chapter/alternative ending  
> \- it's kylian centric and follows his life, but the next chapter will be thilo centric  
> \- english isn't my first language  
> \- kudos and comments are appreciated

There are times in life when we find ourselves stuck in front of a big methaphorical sign with two choices written on it. No matter how much we ask for directions, help or advice, nobody can choose the path for us.

People often say that we can't have it all in life, but we don't really understand the meaning until we reach the situation in which we absolutely have to make a choice, and most of the time it's choosing between the things we love the most.

_May, 2019_

_“What do you mean?”_

_“He asked for you specifically. He's rebuilding the team on a budged, but is willing to spend everything just to bring you.”_

_“Did he make an offer?”_

_“Yes. We'll discuss it in person. I can tell you that it's a really good one. And it's only the first offer, I bet he would change it in a heartbeat if needed. Perez is desperate.”_

_“I don't know what to say…”_

_“Don't worry. You have plenty of time to think about it... Just know that this is an opportunity many players dream of, Kylian.”_

A moment will come when you will get an offer that you simply cannot refuse - an offer that you dreamed of, that could solve all of your problems and make your life so much better.

But even the best opportunities have consequences, and in order to take a step forwards, you need to leave some things behing.

_“So it's final?”_

_“Thilo…”_

_“I really thought you were different, but you're just like the rest.”_

_“Babe, you don't know what you're saying.”_

_“I'm not your babe. You're just a gold digger, unloyal asshole with no emotions.”_

_“I'm twenty years old! Do you want me to miss this opportunity?”_

_“…”_

_“What did you think? That we would get married? That we would stay in Paris our whole lives?”_

_“I thought that you cared about me, but obviously I was wrong.”_

_“I do care about you, so much, but we're so young…”_

_“No. Don't give me that bullshit, say it how it is. You care about me but your career is ten times more important.”_

_“…”_

_“Goodbye Kylian, enjoy your new club.”_

Sometimes your choices can hurt the people you love the most. They can separate you from everything you loved and everything you've known before.

They can toss you in the middle of an unknown city, with unfamiliar paths, language that is too different from the one you love and the house that is way too big, cold and quiet for your taste.

The choices can make your dreams come true and fill your soul and pockets, but also empty your heart and put the weight of the world on your shoulders.

_“It's not your fault.”_

_The words have been swimming through his head ever since he entered his car._

_They stayed there while he drove home, too tired and too ruined but still trying to stay focused on the road._

_They didn't leave while he was standing in the shower, blankly staring the titles while cold droplets of water fell on his body._

_The haunting words were the loudest right now, while he was laying in his bed in the silence of the bedroom._

_Moments from the match were playing in his head and he could vividly see the disappointed looks on the faces of his teammates, his new family._

_He remembered Rapha's strong embrace, that usually managed to comfort him but not this time, and captain's kind words. The best player in the world was kindly smiling and congratulating him at his debut goal, but the only reaction he could muster as the picture of the scoreboard played in his head was a wordless nod._

There are the good times, too. The times when you remember why you made the decision. The moments when it doesn't seem like the wrong one.

It's the step forward that you always wanted, that you worked and waited for your whole life.

The step that leads you right to the throne and makes you feel like you're at the top of the world.

 

_December, 2022._

_Kylian felt the taste of victory plenty of times._

_He held the World Cup trophy in his hands and still remembered the feeling of the golden medal around his neck._

_He kissed the Champions League trophy three times and celebrated the first treble in the club's history._

_He won the Kopa Trophy, Golden Boy award, FIFA World Cup Best Young Player Award and multiple others individual awards but he still didn't expect his name to be read from the small paper pulled out of the golden envelope._

_It all happened so fast. The cheers, claps on the back, handshakes, congratulations coming from all sides and his awkward stumbling towards the stage._

_His mind wasn't working properly and everything still felt surreal._

_He mumbled the first things that came to his mind, thanked everybody he could remember and slowly made his way back._

_His eyes scanned the crowd and he could see honest smiles on his teammates' faces and proud looks in the eyes of his family._

_He had everything he could dream of, he was at the top of the world, so why did it feel like he was missing something?_

**Thilo**

**Congratulations! 02:57**

 

What is left for a man to do after he accomplishes everything he's ever wanted to?

They say that after reaching the highest point the only way you can go is down.

So what can you do when everything starts to fall apart?

 

_March, 2024_

_“It's not my fucking fault that somebody can't defend properly!”_

_“But it's your fucking fault that you don't pass the ball when there are three free players around you!”_

_“I didn’t see them! Do I have to say it ten times for you to get it through your thick old head?!”_

_“Cut the crap Mbappe! This isn't a one man team.”_

_“You sure as hell weren't complaining when that one man brought you all the trophies.”_

_“We already dealt with an egoistic crybaby years ago. Either fix your attitude or pack your bags and leave.”_

_“Yeah? Well good luck finding a replacement!”_

**MARCA: Will the kings of Europe lose their crown?**

**Los Blancos have lost their biggest star, Kylian Mbappe, after a reported clash with both the captain and the coach. The details of the conflict remain unclear as both sides refuse to speak on it.**

**The twenty five year old Frenchman is now a free player and looking at his recent form there's no doubt that the biggest european clubs will be fighting for him.**

**Manchester City, Chelsea, Juventus and Bayern Munich have already shown their interest, but there are also rumours of Mbappe coming back to his old club, Paris Saint German.**

**Will the Frenchman chose his old home or a new challenge?**

**How will Real Madrid cope with losing their biggest star and top scorer?**

**Guess we'll have to wait and see.**

 

What happens when you find yourself at the same crossroad you stood in front of five years ago.

Do you choose the same path and try to reach the same glory or do you try to get back everything you lost when you left the first time?

_Kylian was staring at the same pile of papers for the last 45 minutes._

_The news of him leaving had shaken up the whole football world and offers were coming from left and right._

_He thought that he was prepared and clear minded as he immediately refused a couple of clubs and kind of had the idea of where he wanted and where he didn't want to go._

_All of his plans were ruined when he got a call similar to the one he got when he was just a teenager waiting for his chance to shine._

_“A new club has contacted me.”_

_“I don't even wanna hear it if it's a Premier League club. I already refused four.”_

_“Kylian…it's PSG. They want you back.”_

_He was staring at three crests, trying to figure out what's best of him._

_City was top of the league, they just signed an amazing coach and were missing a striker. It would be a good change of scenery and a good opportunity._

_On the other hand, Juventus had been trying to bring him for the last two years. The only difference was that their performance hasn't been so great recently, so coming there would be a good challenge for him._

_No matter how hard he tried to imagine himself in a different country, different jersey, he could still clearly see the young boy in a familiar shade of blue._

_His heart was aching for home. He was nostalgic for the beautiful language and familiar streets._

_He wondered if his old home was still the same. It was cold and lonely when he managed to visit it couple of times a year, but he bet that it would be all warm and comforting the moment he moved back._

_He scanned thought the list of players and saw many new names. There were still a couple of familiar faces, one standing out more than the others._

_Thilo was the captain now, had been for quite some time._

_Kylian was proud of him and even sent him a message when he first heard the news._

_They were on speaking terms again, if you could call basic questions, one worded replies and a couple of “congratulations on the win/goal" speaking._

_Kylian often reminded himself that it was still better than nothing. Thilo messaged him after a month long silence the moment he found out that he was having trouble at Madrid._

_He was there with short, but still comforting, messages after every lost game – and there had been a lot of those – and he started messaging Kylian first, which was new._

_Kylian found himself missing the other man more and more as the time passed._

_He would see him in his dreams during the night and during the day memories of them together floated in his head._

_Kylian still remembered the taste of his lips and the way his hand fit in Kylian's even after so many years._

_After falling asleep and waking up with the thought of Thilo for weeks, he finally realized what, or who, he was missing for the last couple of years._

**Thilo**

**Is it true? 14:03**

_Kylian stared at the screen for some time, praying to God that this decision would be the correct one._

_He pushed two stacks of papers off of the table and watched them spill on the ground. Then he grabbed a pen and, with a shaky hand, began signing the papers that were in front of him._

**Kylian**

**Yes. 14:10**

**Author's Note:**

> kylian to real madrid 2k19


End file.
